Prison Test

I don't know what the point of this game is, or why you'd feel inclined to play it. It comes down to answering a quiz about Russian prison and its customs. You choose between 3 options per question, with there being 12 or 13 questions total. That is literally all it is.

Only for achievement hunters!

Как бы мне хотелось с голубями, на родную землю улететь!

Prison Test is not a game, it's a ClickTeam Fusion template flip/Choose-Your-Own-Adventure e-book that's been dumped on Steam masquerading as a game. As a visual/interactive novel, this doesn't feature any notable gameplay, it's just a lot of clicking through badly written Russian dialogue that would never have been accepted or published in print, which poses the question, "How did something this badly written end up on Steam?".

To answer that question: When someone hoping to become an author is unable to get published in print, they spend $100 and dump their high school fan-fiction onto Steam, under the guise of a game.

This E-book features Choose-Your-Own-Adventure elements where you make some decisions that don't do anything to change the fact this is just an E-Book. Nobody finished reading a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book and said "Boy, what a great game I just played!". Because E-books aren't games. And neither is this.

This garbage has a Russian prison theme (perhaps somewhat autobiographical based on the toxic nature of the Russian developer) and has absolutely zero merit or value as a game for gamers. This is just Russian trashware at its worst.

Visual novels/e-books are tedious at best... imagine the best novel you ever read, be that Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy or 2001: A Space Odyssey or Twilight (if you have terrible taste in literature), but then translate that to a format where the words dribble out and you have to click your mouse every time you wanted to read the next sentence, instead of just turning the pages. You'd think it was garbage.

Now imagine that experience, but with much worse writing (because if these guys could write professionally, they'd be published authors and this would be on shelves in bookstores, and they wouldn't have to pay Valve $100 to self-publish this on Steam), and you have your average Steam e-book.

Some of the defects in the E-Book can be attributed to the choice of using the Clickteam Fusion construction kit - the "No-Code" construction kit that "Anyone can make games with!!". Including, you know, people who aren't game developers. Which is a problem. This is a very poor quality toolset sometimes used by amateur developers as it's free (so they don't have to pay for GameMaker Studio) and doesn't require advanced game development skills, but unfortunately has very limited capabilities (it's arguably worse than GameMaker Studio). Just as you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear, you can't make a great video game if you use a terrible engine. So it's inappropriate when amateurs try to use these for profit, without any actual, real game development effort taking place. This doesn't result in products that have any real meaningful value for gamers.

These technical defects push this game below acceptable standards for any modern PC game.

The poor quality of this E-Book is reflected by how many people spent time with it. At the time of this review, SteamDB shows the all-time peak player number was only 3 players. This is a remarkably low number, and now, the only player activity occurs once or twice a month, presumably someone loading it up to see what it is then quickly uninstalling it. Considering there's over 120 million gamers on Steam and well over 50,000 games for gamers to choose from (over 9,000 completely free titles), the overwhelming lack of interest in this low quality E-Book is to be expected.

You can get better quality books and comics for free online or from public libraries, or from bookstores for a fraction of the price of this "game". Steam isn't a comic book store, neither is it Netflix, it's for games. Your gaming rig is not a Kindle. It's impossible for me to recommend things to PC gamers that aren't really games.

Prison Test is relatively cheap at $1 USD, but it's not worth it. Given the defects and quality issues with the E-Book, coupled with the unrealistic price, this is impossible to recommend.

While game reviews must be about the game, as this review has been, it's sometimes important for gamers to be aware when there's problems with the developers. In this case, Nikita "Ghost_RUS", a Russian shovelware scam artist who routinely abuses Steam by polluting the marketplace with shovelware like this game. Nikita "Ghost_RUS" continually sends a message of racism, bigotry, homophobia and hate speech through his games, in direct violation of Valve's guidlines for acceptable game content. You can read more about this in this article by the Sentinels of the Store curator group.

This is something I feel potential customers should be aware of for two reasons. First, I understand completely that gamers may not want to buy games with such horrible, antihumanitarian messages of hate such as games from Nikita "Ghost_RUS". Secondly, gamers must be aware that if Valve decides to do the right thing and enforce their policy against hate speech and bigotry in games, games such as this will be banned. So, buying games from Nikita "Ghost_RUS" may be putting your money at risk.

Note: Because this is more of a "joke" game, intended to draw attention from controversy or in the hopes of going viral because it's "so bad it's good" (but it isn't good at all), there's nothing here to offer to serious gamers. As usual, with most awful/joke games, all the comedians come out of the woodwork. The vast majority of the reviews for this E-Book are joke reviews, such as "this game cured my cancer, saved my marriage, changed my life" etc. Because most of the reviews are as insincere as the E-Book itself is, the positive review score for this E-Book should be disregarded.

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Easy achievements, bad game

This was the worst "game" I have ever encountered on the market. It is a text based adventure with 12 questions which when answered all correctly states "You are blatnoi!" Another achievement farmer which gives this a rating of 0/10. Not even worth the time playing if it was free!

I bought it for a song and I heard a song. The only thing that is great about this game is that I easily gained achievements. 1/10.

Wow! I am blown away! This game oozes with quality, especially how well it's translated! The music put me over the edge and absolutely blew my mind. Very well done! 10/10!

Really easy to 100% in less than a minute. Follow the guide and you get all achievements.