Hot Mars 69

only oxygen is allowed on marsz planet anything else will mean war.

[quote]Warning: GameGuru Asset Flip![/quote]Hot Mars 69 is a what Valve calls a "Fake Game". The "developer" bought the GameGuru first person shooter construction kit (no coding required, it's just a GUI!) and cobbled out a map or two using stock GameGuru assets... nothing in this game can really be called the creation of the developer, and yet they also failed to credit GameGuru or acknowlegde any of the GameGuru assets. They're trying (badly) to pass someone else's work as their own.

It's just a bunch of random GameGuru assets dropped around a really lazy, stock textured GameGuru map template, with a bunch of GameGuru stock assets. This is more lazy Russian shovelware polluting Steam, from the racist homophobe, Nikita "Ghost_RUS", and features the typical lack of content, lazy, minimal implementation effort, and bad content.

This asset flip is so badly done it's even using the default GameGuru launch screen and "options" page... and let's be clear, GameGuru is a completely godawful construction kit. If you try to take it seriously as a game, you'll find no resolution or graphics tweaks, no controller tweaks... it's horribly optimised and will be sluggish even on high end rigs.

You can make the argument that GameGuru exists to just make demos and little experimental games to pass around with friends, but that's not what's happened here... the developer is seriously trying to scam people into paying money for this construction kit copy+paste asset flip. That's not okay!

From a technical perspective, the game doesn't meet basic minimum requirements that most PC gamers expect as standard.

There's no option to change the resolution and no useful graphics tweaks. There's no way to ensure this is running at the native resolution of your display. There's no guarantee this game will look right on any PC as a result of this hamfisted design decision.

Bewilderingly, the game doesn't include proper audio controls, so you can't turn off the annoying background music, you'll need to alt+tab out and stop the music using the Windows sound mixer. This is obviously not okay and it's unclear why the developers chose not to include this basic feature.

The controls can't be customised, which will be an annoyance for many, but it can also render the game unplayable for differently-abled gamers, or gamers using AZERTY or other international keyboard layouts.

These technical defects push this game below acceptable standards for any modern PC game.

The poor quality of this game is reflected by how many people spent time with it. At the time of this review, SteamDB shows the all-time peak player number was only 3 players. This is a remarkably low number, and now, the only player activity occurs once or twice a month, presumably someone loading it up to see what it is then quickly uninstalling it. Considering there's over 120 million gamers on Steam and well over 50,000 games for gamers to choose from (over 9,000 completely free titles), the overwhelming lack of interest in this low quality game is to be expected.

While game reviews must be about the game, as this review has been, it's sometimes important for gamers to be aware when there's problems with the developers. In this case, Nikita "Ghost_RUS", a Russian shovelware scam artist who routinely abuses Steam by polluting the marketplace with shovelware like this game. Nikita "Ghost_RUS" continually sends a message of racism, bigotry, homophobia and hate speech through his games, in direct violation of Valve's guidlines for acceptable game content. You can read more about it in this article by the Sentinels of the Store curator group.

This is something I feel potential customers should be aware of for two reasons. First, I understand completely that gamers may not want to buy games with such horrible, antihumanitarian messages of hate such as games from Nikita "Ghost_RUS". Secondly, gamers must be aware that if Valve decides to do the right thing and enforce their policy against hate speech and bigotry in games, games such as this will be banned. So, buying games from Nikita "Ghost_RUS" may be putting your money at risk.

Hot Mars 69 is relatively cheap at $1 USD, but it's not worth it. Given the defects and quality issues with the game, coupled with the unrealistic price, this is impossible to recommend.

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Just the best. Nothing better. A whole 10 minutes of sheer adrenaline packed fun. I would pay $1000 for this game, on god. Hell yeaaaaaaa bro.

sexy! very good :)
the friends are my favourite only bad is the where is his penis hmm?
AND an orb :)

This game is a master piece forged by the gods of cream. I can not handle the excessive amounts of cream that perspire inside of my youthful host.

Basic run & gun. Short though. Really short.

CONTROLS:
I figured these out on my own.
W A S D (Movement Keys)
E to pick up items and to open doors.
Hold down Left Shift with movement key to run. So holding down W and Left Shift will cause you to run forward.
LMB to shoot.

If you let the Martians get close enough to you they may attack you. Or not. They are rather stupid.

If you can get this game for mere pennies, as I did, it's OK. Otherwise you may feel like you were ripped-off. Loading takes about a minute, maybe a little longer depending on your system. After recording this video I watched others on YouTube to confirm that I had in fact beaten the game.

HERE'S A PLAY VIDEO OF MY FIRST RUN:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Kez5tnTd0I

am actually world record holder of speedrun of Hot Miami 69

am too fast, game likes it. key for window get a good use

game too easy to

10/7 perfect score

Hot Mars 69 is possibly the best game ive laid eyes on. Since Skyrim every game I have played has been mediocre or flat out terrible, but this game is easily the best game I have every played. The gunplay is the best on the market, the open world gameplay is 300x better then God of War, and the enemys are better programmed then the enitirety of Super Mario Odyssey. The sound effects were crispy, espiecally the heartbeat sound, which thankfully plays throughout almost the entire game. The gun is the greatest gun ive ever seen and I know gun games, ive played splatoon on the wii u. Couldn't reccomend this game enough selling your house for this game is a amazing financial decision. Without this game your life will never be complete. This is the best game on steam thank you lord gaben. 69/10

it literally doesn't start. it crashes every time i try to start it. the farthest i've made was the low quality start screen and when i clicked play it crashed. I have 30 minutes of play time soley from the amount of time Ive spent trying to open the game. 30 minutes of menu time. incredible. If you do choose to buy make sure you have discord closed because people find it very, uh, odd that you're playing a game with such a name. you will face embarrassment if not.

this game was life changing, the graphics are outstanding, the story was packed, at least 50 hours of play in this, dont play it

This is what you would get if The Witcher 3 was a shooter. 10/10

Game of the year??? Very re-playable as it is only 3 minutes long. Probably one of the best games to come out in the past century.

Details

Doomed.

Summary

A flawed game using broken mechanics and a grab-bag of apparently public-domain assets.

See Also...

All boyflea reviews can be found at Good Indie Free Game Reviews

The 0.2 hours I've put into this game was all it took to beat the game. Twice.

11/10 They know I'm a busy man who can't spent too much time on Mars.

This game is not worth it.

Now don't get me wrong, I understand the humor behind this developer's games. I own Gay World and President Trump The Way In Uganda. So, I'm not gonna review the theme, but the gameplay.

It took about 5 minutes for the game to load. After that, the game was slow, but I managed to pull through. But then I found the enemies. The enemies look like The Rake, but they don't do anything. They can deal damage, but you can beat the game without killing them. Literally. They do not go towards you, like a normal enemy. All they do is just stand there. The only way to get damaged is to walk right infront of it. Oh yea, the game acts like it's a big deal that you have 99/100 health. You hear a heartbeat noise throughout the entire game.

Now you can see why this isn't worth your money.

The sad part is that they charge you for this piece of garbage.
I used my steam wallet money to buy this just to be presented with 3 crashes and 20 or so minutes of gameplay.
Fuck this developer and fuck this piece of utter shit engine.

This is as bad as of game as you'll ever see on Steam made with the worlds worst game engine Game Guru.

I gave it a 1% score using my own scoring system I use for all Steam games first impressions scores. But hey have a look for yourself and I dare you to want to buy this after seeing it yourself:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8n-bKBjTHbk&lc=z23qidywnuioezpm2acdp433wpejowlqlokl2b5ubkpw03c010c&spfreload=1

At the moment i find it to much slow moving! There is lot of irretating sounds like constants heartsbeats! The grafic of the opposites figures is look like ghosts in suits (simpel)!In the short time of trying to kill this monsters there was not much to see if they were hit by firing on them! And then after a little long time they die like they were fainting/pass out in a strange way of falling! But the grafic part looking acceptable... So far what i pay it was not yet a bad game to play! So i hope it gonig all much better than what i have said!

Hot Mars 69 actually hurt my ears while I played it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEu4JGT05rk

This game is the next in the storied history of Ghost_RUS Games. They constantly release some of the worst trash on Steam that barely functions as a video game.

It seems Ghost_RUS has now discovered the ease of using Game Guru to create terrible creations, but of course it's very evident that even using the laziest game developing engine is too much of a challenge for them.

Hot Mars 69 is an FPS filled with Game Guru stock assets, awful pathfinding and the worst sounds I've experienced in a long time,

The gameplay is incredibly simple. You have a stock asset gun that shoots lightning with more ammo than you would ever need. One shot will kill all the enemies which slowly meander towards you while you go through some corridors, followed by a horrendous open area.

The enemies pathfinding is bad, even for Game Guru. I had enemies walk backwards towards me, get stuck on objects or inside walls and after the third or so room every single enemy in the game just ignored me completely.

The sound design is painful to deal with. There are virtually no sounds in the game except for the same enemy wailing effect and this really awful gun firing sound that actually gave me a headache because it peaks so high in the game. It's legitimately painful to play this game because of it.

I'm pretty sure I reached the end of the game in less than 10 minutes after I found a "key" which was just an untextured ball. Then I opened a door and walked up to a weird teleporter(?) which instantly crashed the game.

Ghost_RUS is easily one of the worst developers currently on Steam. Aside from getting mainstream attention for their awful games, they constantly throw out utter garbage and vaguely disguise it as memes.


If you found this review helpful, check out my curator page to see everything I cover. http://store.steampowered.com/curator/29029552/

All of the enemy models have the same generic 'rarrrr!' sound effect & either only the first enemy has any patrol path programmed or the only reason it attack me through the closed door is because it is positioned so close to the door that I was within its hitbox OR none of the enemy models have any patrol path programmed at all, they all just stand in place and do their limited animation over and over; all our GameGuru friends are here, weird alien with arms up over the shoulders withs their elbows flopping down and either vibrating because the animation is too fast or because they are colliding with the terrain, grey alien who has Hellraiser syndrome, black alien/insect thing with scythes coming out the back and they are mostly facing away from the linear path and because they have no movement programmed they won't turn to face you.

I was convinced that the game had somehow spawned me at the end and I was going through the path backwards because so few of the enemy models were facing me...this is really stunningly low effort, there have been some really shoddy GameGuru releases in the past but it has definitely gotten worse, this isn't even funny in its lack of gameplay like Lost Base Escape or confusing in what seemed like its attempt to have gameplay like Slingshot People.