Monkeys Ahoy

Monkeys Ahoy is yet another of literally hundreds of mobile app Match-3/Bejewelled/Candy Crush ripoff games infesting Steam and lowering the average quality of all video games everywhere. Weirdly this isn't a mobile port, because I couldn't see it on any app stores, but it 100% looks and feels like a mobile app. And, laughably, they want money for this. You can play Candy Crush for free, so this is a weird business model that apparently, predictably, and deservedly failed.

The only differentiators in this mobile app in exile is that you can match either object types or object colours, and you can chain your matches together to get much larger scores... that's really all there is to it. Fairly pointless.

From a technical perspective, the game doesn't meet basic minimum requirements that most PC gamers expect as standard.

While there are options to change the resolution for the game, all this does is scale up the simplistic 2D art assets used to make the game, which makes little or no difference to the graphics quality. Without any other substantial graphics tweaks, it's not possible for gamers to improve the lacklustre 2D visuals.

The controls can't be customised because the game has such a dumbed down, simplified interface that it's just iPhone screen tapping stuff. The fact that the interface is this dumbed down might be seen as a problem in itself, however... this is a fairly shallow experience if you're the kind of gamer that likes to play games with deep, rich control schemes and interaction. You'll get none of that here.

This is indistinguishable from a mobile app, but they put this on Steam instead of the app stores by mistake. Was it rejected by Apple and Google (they do have more rigorous quality standards than Valve does for Steam, after all)?.

Regardless, for all intents and purposes Monkeys Ahoy might as well be a mobile app, it has the same limitations and dumbed down qualities. It's impossible to recommend such a game to PC gamers. We don't spend all this money building gaming rigs so we can pretend they're iPhones.

These technical defects push this game below acceptable standards for any modern PC game.

The poor quality of this game is reflected by how many people spent time with it. At the time of this review, SteamDB shows the all-time peak player number was only 2 players. This is a remarkably low number, and now, the only player activity occurs once or twice a month, presumably someone loading it up to see what it is then quickly uninstalling it. Considering there's over 120 million gamers on Steam and well over 100,000 games for gamers to choose from, the overwhelming lack of interest in this low quality game is to be expected.

So, should you buy this game? Is this one of the best of the 100,000+ games on Steam?

Monkeys Ahoy has the laughable, eye-watering price of around $5 USD, it's not worth it given the defects and shortcomings with the product, especially considering the sheer number of completely free, much higher quality games on Steam, many of which are free match-3 games. So even if you did want to play a match-3 game on Steam, well, don't pay money for this one.

For comparison, the $5 asking price for this game could get you games like "Borderlands 2", "Assetto Corsa" or "Middle Earth - Shadow of War". Quality, professionally made games like those are frequently on sale cheaper than this.

> be me
> young pirate chimp on a grand quest
> not just any quest, mind you
> it's the "Ultimate Friendship Smoothie" quest 🏴‍☠️🐒🥤
> why make a regular smoothie when you can make it epic?
> join forces with another young pirate chimp
> we have one goal: find all the pirate treasures
> and by "treasures," I mean fruits, gems, and other pirate goodies
> enter Monkeys Ahoy!, a bright and colorful monkey world 🌈🌎
> it's a match-3 game, but with a twist
> like, not your typical match-3 game—more like "match-everything-possible"
> I draw the longest line through the same shapes and colors
> my chimp partner goes for high scores, I go for the ultimate chain combos
> teamwork makes the dream work!
> start drawing lines across the screen, jumping between shapes and colors
> feels like I'm drawing the Mona Lisa with bananas 🍌
> unique combos and chaining have us jumping through the monkey world
> gather treasures, score big, and fill our friendship smoothie cup 🏆
> it's challenging, but the longer the line, the better the smoothie
> we run into some tricky puzzles along the way
> but nothing a couple of bananas and high fives can't fix ✋🐒
> also, the pirate theme is just super cool
> I mean, pirate chimps? What's not to love?
> pro tips: always go for the longest line, and never let your partner steal your bananas 🍌
> cons: might get a little addicted to making long chains
> overall, 10/10 would help these chimps make smoothies again
> who knew a match-3 game could be this much fun?
> it's like connecting the dots but with pirates and tropical vibes 🏝️
> recommend to all monkey-loving, puzzle-solving, treasure-seeking gamers out there
> now if you'll excuse me, I've got a smoothie to make 🥤🐒
[hr]

[Pirates, Kongs, and Monkey Kings Play Monkeys Ahoy!"]

[Scene: A pirate-themed gaming den with a huge monitor, pirate flags, and plenty of bananas. The walls are lined with barrels and crates. The group is gathered around the screen, each with a controller in hand. Guybrush Threepwood stands in the center, hosting the gaming session.]

Guybrush: Welcome, everyone! Today, we're playing "Monkeys Ahoy!"—a match-3 game with a twist. I hope you're ready for some serious treasure hunting, because we're about to go bananas! 🏴‍☠️🍌

Jack Sparrow: Did someone say treasure? I brought my finest bottle of rum to celebrate the loot. 🍹

Monkey D. Luffy: If there's food involved, I'm all in! Where's the meat? 🍖

King Louie: I'm just here for the beats, baby. Let’s get groovy! 🎶

Rafiki: I brought my staff, just in case we need to swat any pesky monkeys. 🦁

Mojo Jojo: I brought my superior intelligence, because these other monkeys won't know what hit them! 🧠

Donkey Kong: I'm just here for the bananas. Oh, and maybe to break a few barrels. 💪🍌

Diddy Kong: Got my jetpack, ready to blast off to high scores! 🚀

Chunky Kong: Flexin' muscles, 'cause that's what I do. 💪

Lanky Kong: Don't mind me, just stretching my arms. I reach what others can't! 🙆

Tiny Kong: Got my hair whirling. It's my special move! 🦰✨

Funky Kong: Yo, dudes, the name says it all. I'm here to bring the funk! 🤘

Dixie Kong: Got my guitar, ready to rock this pirate ship! 🎸

Candy Kong: I'm here to look fabulous and help collect treasure. 💅

Goku: Let's do this, but I'm keeping the Super Saiyan in check—for now. 🌟

Sun Wukong: If you need a trick or two, I got you covered. Just watch out for my staff! 🐵

Caesar: I’m all about teamwork and leadership. Somebody's got to keep this ship from sinking. 🐒

[The Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go! monkeys enter in style, with lasers, rockets, and other high-tech moves. Chiro leads the way, followed by the other monkeys from the team.]

Chiro: Alright, we're here! Let's show these pirates how real monkeys play! 🚀⚡

Antauri: I foresee great success if we all work together. Let’s get to it. 🔮

Nova: I'll be bashing through these levels like a boss. Who's with me? 💪

Sprx-77: I'm all about style and flair. You guys can't handle my moves! 😎

Gibson: Let's approach this logically. We need to calculate the longest chain, after all. 🧠

Otto: Who's ready to go wild? I am! Let's have some fun! 🎉

[The group starts playing "Monkeys Ahoy!" Guybrush narrates the gameplay.]

Guybrush: Alright, folks, the goal is to make the longest chain through the same shapes and colors. Collect those treasures, and don't forget to make the Ultimate Friendship Smoothie! 🥤

Jack Sparrow: Smoothies? I was expecting grog. 🍹

Monkey D. Luffy: Grog? I was expecting meat. 🍖

King Louie: Forget the grog and meat; let's get some funky tunes in here! 🎶

Mojo Jojo: Smoothies? Ridiculous! I, Mojo Jojo, prefer... efficient power-ups! 🧠

[As the game continues, chaos ensues. Guybrush and Jack Sparrow accidentally bump into each other, causing Jack's rum to spill. Luffy and Donkey Kong compete for the highest score, while the other Kongs playfully tussle over controllers.]

Sun Wukong: Looks like you all could use some guidance. I shall demonstrate the art of the longest chain! 🐵

[Sun Wukong starts making incredible combos, while Mojo Jojo furiously tries to outdo him, claiming he's the true genius. Goku goes Super Saiyan, lighting up the room, causing the other monkeys to shield their eyes.]

Guybrush: Well, it looks like things are getting a bit heated in here! Who knew a simple match-3 game could turn into a full-on monkey mayhem? Who's ready for round two? 🐒🍌

[The Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go! monkeys manage to rack up the highest score, earning the Ultimate Friendship Smoothie. Cheers and high-fives ensue.]

Chiro: Hyperforce, we did it! Who's up for another round? 🚀⚡

[End scene.]

[hr]

Reel Big Fish - Monkey Man

Aye aye aye, aye aye aye
Look at them pirates, collecting all the shiny stuff
Aye aye aye, aye aye aye
Swinging through the islands, grabbing all the treasure chests

I never knew it, I only heard of it
Chimps out there, sailing with the best
I never knew it, I only heard of it
Chimps out there, taking all the loot

It's so wild, it's so wild
How they keep on chaining through the shapes
It's so wild, it's so wild
Look at them, connecting all the dots

Now I know it, now I understand
You're making smoothies with the chimps
Now I know it, now I understand
You're making smoothies with the monkeys

Aye aye aye, aye aye aye
Who knew monkeys could get this much treasure?
Aye aye aye, aye aye aye
Drawing long lines, all through the monkey world

I was on my way to find the big chest
Then I see a chimp, with a pirate's hat
With rings on his fingers, bananas in his bag
Making combos, as long as he can

'Cause he's a monkey, 'cause he's a monkey
'Cause he's a funky little pirate chimp
Aye aye aye, aye aye aye
Who knew pirates could be this much fun?
Aye aye aye, aye aye aye
Just draw those lines, until you get the big score

Aye aye aye, aye aye aye
Got to get those gems and bananas
Aye aye aye, aye aye aye
Monkeys Ahoy! We're coming for the gold! [/i]

[hr]

[b] Yo-ho-ho, we're monkey pirates bold,
Swingin' from the rigging, chasing after gold.
Bananas in our pockets, rum in every cup,
These monkeys aren't stopping till they fill their treasure up! 🍌💰

Yo-ho-ho, we're headed out to sea,
Find the hidden islands, swinging through the trees.
Drawing the longest lines, matching all the shapes,
If we hit a snag, we'll use some monkey escapes. 🐵✨

Yo-ho-ho, let's set sail tonight,
Hoist the Jolly Roger, climb the mast so high.
We party 'til the morning, we always misbehave,
Join our pirate crew—it's the coolest monkey rave! 🏴‍☠️🎉

It’s a fun, puzzle Tetris sort of game.

We bought it because of the name but it has some cute monkey sounds. We like making the monkeys say “ahoy” when you clear the whole screen in one move.

Cute looking game. But I see no reviews, no discussions. Hm... Ok, I'll jump into the water and see if it swims! :)

And it does! Nice match block game with a different mechanic (store page explains it well, plus it starts with a tutorial).

Unity launcher with settings for different resolutions and window/fullscreen mode!

Separate music and sound toggles.

A weird slider for language. It starts in German for some reason, even though my Steam and my OS are English. With the 2nd attempt I managed to handle the slider correctly and make it English. :)

No timer, so far, play in peace, no stress.

After a few levels it points out the limited moves to reach the level goal.

If there's anything else I'll add it, but for now I want to add a review with the basic info I hoped to find. :)